ICE

‘ICE’ is inspired by the BUSTED song ‘WHEN THE DAY TURNS INTO NIGHT’. The original song was on the first cassette I ever owned when I was about 6. I would play the song on repeat for hours every day after school after I found out my step-dad wasn’t my biological dad. 

I still don’t know what drew me to that specific song. I just remember admiring all the different instruments and their harmonic flow, alongside the sad vocals. I would sing and cry to it and pretend it was my biological dad who was saying the lyrics as he was not in my life. The song helped me to process and understand the deep sorrow and longing I was feeling for someone who can’t be around at a very young age. It will always be a sad song to me.

I recreated the lyrics to represent this time in my life, and how I became cold as a result

“When your heart turns into ice”.

The ice also represents addiction and how it can ruin relationships as it did with me and my dad, and myself with my own family and friends as I got older. 

The feeling of abandonment when your dad

isn’t around

“You’ve been left out in the cold”​

Alongside battling with mental health as a result “Hallucinations on your wall” ​

At such a young age, and not understanding what it is, whilst still trying to be optimistic

“You sit there waiting for my call”. 

“I need you to be strong when I’m fading away”

is my way of accepting that not everyone can be around, or stay, as everyone dies eventually,

and even though I didn’t get to spend as much time time with my biological dad as I would have liked, I am forever grateful that he created me and would not want him to go out thinking I don’t forgive him for not being there. 

Being brought up knowing he had to stay away because of his addictions made me more aware of this when coming to terms with my own addictions, and in society, and I probably wouldn’t still be alive if not.

Now I use this harsh reality as fuel to help myself get better and to help others who are also struggling with addiction.

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